Escape to Paradise: Gran Oasis Resort Awaits in Tenerife!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! Because we're diving headfirst into a review of the Escape to Paradise: Gran Oasis Resort Awaits in Tenerife! And let me tell you, I've got opinions. Lots of them. So, grab a coffee (or a vino, if you're feeling adventurous), and let's get this show on the road!
(Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with the Gran Oasis Resort, and this is based purely on the provided information. Also, I'm going to be brutally honest. And maybe a little dramatic.)
First Impressions: Paradise Found (Maybe?)
Alright, picture this: Tenerife. Sun. Beaches (probably). And the promise of a "Gran Oasis." My brain instantly conjures images of pristine pools, perfect cocktails, and the kind of relaxation that makes you forget your name. But let's be real, the devil's in the details, right? Let's break this down, shall we?
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag (Aren't They Always?)
- Wheelchair Accessible: Okay, this is HUGE. The description says it is. That's a massive plus for anyone with mobility needs, and I'm genuinely happy to see it. But, and this is a big but, how accessible? Is the whole resort navigable? Are there ramps everywhere? Is the pool entrance designed for easy access? The details matter, and hopefully, the reality lives up to the promise.
- Facilities for Disabled Guests: Again, good to see it on the list. But again, specifics are key. Are accessible rooms readily available? How about the bathrooms? Enough said
- Elevator: Essential! Makes life so much easier.
- CCTV in common areas: Good for safety.
- CCTV outside property: Always a smart move.
- Front desk [24-hour]: Reassuring, especially if you arrive at an awkward time.
- Facilities for disabled guests: Good to see it on the list.
Restaurant Review! (Because food matters. A lot.)
This list of dining options at Gran Oasis sounds promising, but let's break it down:
- Restaurants: Yay! More than one! Variety is the spice of life, and all that. But are they good restaurants? What's the vibe? Do they have a dress code?
- A la carte in restaurant: Sounds fancy. Hopefully, they're also delicious. I got a particular one in my head!
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: If they have authentic Japanese food, I might never leave! I might be in heaven!
- Bar: Essential for all my needs now.
- Bottle of water: Okay, water included.
- Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Western breakfast: Standard. I'm hoping the buffet is more than just scrambled eggs and rubbery bacon. A good buffet is an art form!
- Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop: Caffeine is fuel! Excellent.
- Desserts in restaurant: YES. Need dessert!
- Happy hour: Now we're talking. That's a must.
- International cuisine in restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant: More options, great.
- Poolside bar: A must! Can't just be the bar.
- Room service [24-hour]: YES! Especially if you're exhausted after a long day of… well, whatever you do on holiday.
- Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant: Good for the people who want to feel healthy or are suffering!
- Snack bar: Crucial for those mid-afternoon cravings.
- Vegetarian restaurant: Good for the plant-based folks.
Things to Do: Beyond the Pool (Hopefully!)
- Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor], Pool with view: These are pretty high on my list of requirements for a decent holiday. Let's hope they're as gorgeous as the photos (if any exist, of course).
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: Okay, maybe not for me, but good for the gym-goers.
- Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Sauna, Foot bath, Massage, Body scrub, Body wrap: This is where it gets interesting. A spa can make or break a holiday. If it's a good one, I'm never leaving. Ever.
- Family/child friendly, Babysitting service, Kids facilities, Kids meal: If I were traveling with kids, this would be crucial.
Room Details: My Home Away From Home (Or Not?)
Okay, let's get personal. Let's talk rooms.
- Available in all rooms: Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens.
- I'm going to be very critical here. Blackout curtains? Essential if you want to sleep past dawn. Coffee maker? YES. Wifi? Obviously. Complimentary tea? I mean, it's the little things, right?
- Laptop workspace? This is a good hint, since I can work from my room.
- Wi-Fi [free]: This is non-negotiable.
- Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless: Good options.
- Air conditioning in public area: Very important.
- Daily housekeeping: Awesome.
- Room decorations: Details matter.
- Soundproof rooms: Crucial. I need to be able to sleep.
Cleanliness and Safety: In a Post-COVID World (Yes, This Still Matters!)
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Shared stationery removed, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: All the important precautions.
Wellness and relaxation
- Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: All great.
Service and Convenience: The Little Things That Make a Difference
- Air conditioning in public area: Yes! Because Tenerife will be hot.
- Business facilities, Business facilities: Good for those who need to work remotely (like me).
- Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: Some of these are essential—elevator! Concierge! Luggage Storage!
For the Kids: Keeping the Little Ones Happy
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: Good for families.
Getting Around: Airport Transfer, Taxi Service, Valet Parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Bicycle parking:
- Airport transfer: Great.
- Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Bicycle parking: Again, good.
- Taxi service, Valet parking: Again, good.
Additional Amenities:
- **Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't your average, pristine, Instagram-perfect itinerary. This is MY Gran Oasis Resort, Tenerife, Spain, expose. Get ready for the gritty reality, the questionable decisions fueled by sangria, and the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with being a slightly unhinged tourist.
Day 1: Arrival, Sunburn, and a Questionable Pizza
- 13:00 (ish): Arrive at Tenerife South Airport. Okay, first hiccup. The immigration line? Longer than a bloody queue for the loo at Glastonbury. Honestly, the woman in front of me was wearing a full sequin jumpsuit. I'm already regretting packing only two pairs of sensible shoes.
- 14:30: Taxi to Gran Oasis. The driver, bless him, was belting out some seriously cheesy Spanish pop. I'm cautiously optimistic.
- 15:00: Check in and immediately regret not booking a room with an ocean view. (Note to self: Next time, splurge, you cheapskate!) The room is… fine. Functional. The air conditioning is working, which is a bloody miracle.
- 16:00: Poolside meltdown. I attempt to apply sunscreen and instantly fail. The bottle explodes in my hand, coating my face with a thick, greasy film. I'm basically a glistening tomato by the time I drag myself to a sun lounger. My inner monologue is 90% screaming, 10% "must. drink. something. alcoholic."
- 18:00: "Dinner" at the resort's restaurant. Ordered a pizza. It looked promising, but tasted like cardboard and regret. The house wine, however, was a revelation. Cheap, fruity, and quickly erased the memory of the burnt pizza. I was feeling better when I saw the entertainment team: The show was, to put it politely, amateur hour. The dancer in the sequined jumpsuit was there again.
- 21:00: Attempt to navigate the resort's Wi-Fi. Complete and utter failure. Giving up and hoping for better luck tomorrow.
- 21:30: "Sleep"? More like a fitful battle with jet lag and the lingering scent of sunscreen.
Day 2: Teide Ascent and a Near-Death Experience with a Seagull
- 07:00: Wake up way too early, thanks to the aforementioned jet lag and a rogue rooster. Seriously, where did he get the energy?!
- 08:00: The hotel breakfast buffet. A glorious, glorious spread. Cereal with too much sugar, ham, cheese, the works. Refuel and go and enjoy the views.
- 09:00: Bus to Teide National Park. The volcano! The views! Spectacular, except the bus driver kept taking the corners way too fast. I swear I saw a small child's ice cream go flying.
- 10:30: Cable car up the volcano. Okay, maybe I'm scared of heights. Really, really scared. The views from the top? Breathtaking. And terrifying. I mostly clung to the handrail and prayed. But I did it!
- 12:00: Hike around the summit. The air is thin, the sun is unforgiving. I'm sweating, slightly nauseous, and starting to question all my life choices.
- 13:00: Descend. The cable car ride down was even worse than the ride up. I closed my eyes, mumbled a few Hail Marys, and somehow survived.
- 14:00: Lunch somewhere between the volcano and the hotel. The food was forgettable, but the view was not.
- 16:00: Back at the resort: Poolside again. Sunscreen application version 2.0 (slightly less disastrous).
- 17:00: Near Death Experience. I was happily swimming in the pool when a seagull tries to steal my sandwich. Honestly. The nerve. I shrieked, it screeched, and a full aquatic battle erupted. Seagulls are ruthless, vindictive, and have no respect for human sandwiches.
- 19:00: Dinner. This time, I steer clear of pizza. I had a plate of pasta that was okay. Maybe I'll get brave and try some of the local cuisine tomorrow.
- 21:00: Entertainment Team, round two. The sequined jumpsuit woman is wearing a different outfit. Maybe it's the same jumpsuit, just flipped inside out? I will never know. Decide to spend the night in my room.
Day 3: Lost in Translation, and the Best Tapas Ever
- 08:00: Breakfast buffet.
- 09:00: Head out to the local markets in Los Cristianos. I have a list of items I need to buy, but I don't understand any Spanish.
- 10:00: Stroll around the markets, point at things, use a lot of gestures, and pray for the best. I manage to buy some souvenirs and somehow didn't get ripped off. I feel like a winner.
- 12:00: Lunch! I wander aimlessly into a small tapas bar. Everything on the menu is in Spanish. I point at a few things that look vaguely edible.
- 13:00: The tapas arrives. This! Glorious! Food! Suddenly I am a fluent Spanish speaker. The chorizo, the prawns, the patatas bravas… pure heaven. This is what I came here for. Seriously, I would marry this tapas bar if I could. Definitely heading back there tomorrow.
- 14:00: Wander back to the resort, slightly tipsy from the wine.
- 15:00: Pool. Sun. Bliss. I find a quiet corner and actually manage to relax.
- 19:00: Dinner. More tapas! More wine!
- 21:00: The entertainment team… I actually kind of like their terrible dancing now. Maybe the wine, maybe the sun, maybe I'm just finally letting go.
Day 4: Playa de las Américas and the Search for a Good Book
- 09:00: Breakfast buffet.
- 10:00: Head to Playa de las Américas. The beach is packed. The waves are too big for a weak swimmer like me and I was not enjoying the sand in my shoes.
- 12:00: I spend the next hour trying to find a decent bookshop to avoid drowning myself on the beach. I needed to spend time with an actual book, something I had missed.
- 13:00: Find an amazing little bookstore and spend hours looking at books, feeling refreshed from it all.
- 15:00: Relax again.
- 16:00: Finish my book.
- 19:00: Dinner.
- 21:00: More entertainment.
Day 5: Departure, and the Eternal Question
- 08:00: Final breakfast.
- 09:00: Pack. Sigh deeply.
- 10:00: Check out.
- 11:00: Taxi to the airport.
- 12:00: Queues. More endless queues.
- 15:00: Plane takes off.
- 15:01: I can't help but think: Was it all worth it? Did I get enough sun? Do I need therapy?
- 15:02: Yeah, it was worth it. Absolutely.
- End: Until next time, Tenerife. Until next time.
Escape to Paradise: Gran Oasis Resort in Tenerife - Or, Maybe Not? A Messy FAQ
So, is Gran Oasis *really* paradise? Like, actual, honest-to-goodness paradise?
Alright, let's be real. Paradise? Depends on your definition. If your idea of paradise involves ALL the alliteration and a pre-programmed robotic bellhop saying "Welcome to the Gran Oasis, citizen!" then maybe. I went with pretty high expectations, envisioning myself lounging on a pristine beach, sipping something fruity, and being waited on hand and foot. Spoiler alert: I was, slightly, but not COMPLETELY.
Look, the pool situation? Pretty damn good. Sunbeds? Plentiful, until the Germans arrived. (Just kidding...mostly!). Palm trees swayin'. The overall vibe? Relaxed, beachy, you catch my drift. But...paradise? Let's say "Paradise Adjacent." And that's saying a lot, because sometimes the sunbeds are all taken before 9 am, by people with an impressive strategic game of towels.
What's the food situation like at the resort? Tell me everything! From the croissants!
The food? Oh, the *food*. Okay, let's start with the breakfast buffet. It's a battlefield. A delicious, carb-filled, bacon-scented battlefield. The croissants... those were the holy grail of my mornings. Pillowy perfection, flaky, buttery. I mean, I probably ate enough of them to single-handedly bankrupt the hotel.
The lunch buffet, well, the lunch buffet was… consistent. Lots of options, admittedly. Pasta, pizza, the usual suspects. Nothing mind-blowing, but hey, it kept me fueled for the afternoon sunbathing.
Dinner... that’s where things get a little... *sketchy.* The themed nights? Hit or miss. The "Italian" night was a solid pass, my friend. The "Spanish" night? Paella was actually quite good. The desserts? Always a gamble, but if you're into mousse-y things covered in sprinkles, you'll be in heaven.
Oh, and the coffee? Hit or miss. Sometimes it was glorious, sometimes it tasted like they'd brewed it in a dirty sock. Seriously.
How about the rooms? Are they luxurious and spacious like the pictures?
The rooms. Right. The pictures on the website? Glamorous, right? Think pristine white walls, crisp sheets, a balcony overlooking the ocean. My room? Uh, let's just say they had *character.* The bed? Comfortable enough. The balcony? Okay, I had a partial view of the ocean, which was nice. The bathroom? Slightly... dated. By about twenty years, maybe. The shower pressure was decent, though, which, after a day melting in the sun or getting lost in the middle of somewhere is important and vital.
And the air conditioning? Hit or miss. Sometimes it worked like a dream, sometimes it sounded like a jet engine taking off and still didn't cool the room. And let's not forget that one time a cockroach made a guest appearance. But, eh, it's to be expected near the coast.
It makes you appreciate your life more, honestly.
What activities are available at the resort? And are they any good?
Activities! Okay, here's the deal. There's your standard resort fare: pool games (mostly involving inflated objects and very competitive German tourists), water aerobics (which I avoided at all costs), yoga classes (which I also avoided, I am not flexible). And, in the evenings, entertainment of varying degrees of quality.
I witnessed a truly epic karaoke night – some of the performances were hilariously bad. One guy tried to sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" and, bless his soul, he *really* tried. There was a "magic" show that seemed to primarily involve pulling handkerchiefs out of nowhere and making bad puns. And then there was the kids' disco, which was, well, kids' disco.
Personally, I spent most of my days reading, sunbathing, and occasionally venturing out to explore Tenerife. Which, by the way, you should definitely do. The resort is great, but the island is what really shines.
Is the location good? Is it near the beach and things to do?
Okay, the location. It's... decent. Let's be honest, it's not *right* on the beach. There's a bit of a walk involved. Not a grueling hike, mind you, just a little stroll. But hey, that gives you time to work up an appetite for those croissants, right?
It's also fairly close to some bars, restaurants, and shops. Nothing amazing, but enough to keep you entertained if you get bored of the pool (which, let's face it, is unlikely). Puerto de la Cruz is the nearest town, and it's worth a visit. Charming, with a lovely atmosphere and so many nice things. Bus rides are cheap and efficient.
If you're like me, you'll want to explore the island. Rent a car, go on a hike, see Mount Teide (amazing!), and maybe get lost on some winding mountain roads. Trust me, the island is spectacular. The resort is a good base, but it's the *island* that you'll remember.
Speaking of excursions, are there are good ones? Like, worth the money?
Yes, YES! The excursions are like, so worthwhile, even if they sound expensive.
I did the whale watching tour. Holy moly, breathtaking. I shed a tear or two when I saw a pod of pilot whales playing. The guides were knowledgeable, passionate, and the boat wasn't overcrowded. Well worth the price.
Also, I cannot recommend the trip up Mount Teide enough. The landscape is otherworldly! You need to book in advance and take the cable car to the top. Just be prepared for the altitude - I ended up feeling a bit dizzy, but it was so worth it!
The Loro Parque is great too (be aware and cautious about the animals kept there if you have strong feelings).
So, yeah, splurging on a few excursions is the best way to experience Tenerife.
Is the Gran Oasis good for families with kids?
Okay, real talk: Gran Oasis is a good option for families, but not *perfect*. There's a kids' club, which is a godsend for parents wanting a little peace and quiet. The pool area is, of course, a major draw. There's a separate kids' pool, which is a must.
The evening entertainment has kids in mind, for good and badStay Scouter
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